"Techniques in handling difficult people….” Article by Steve Marsten

I was discussing a “people” issue with a client in our Sothertons Boardroom recently. Put simply he wanted some advice on how to handle the bullies, the blamers, the rage-aholics, the whiners and the complainers. It reminded me of some classic issues that I have observed over the many years of being in business and of the simple approaches that we should consider.

Firstly, don’t expect them to be anything else but difficult. Once you have identified a difficult person – adjust your expectations so you are never blindsided by their actions. Give yourself some emotional distance.

Often when these types of people aren’t getting their own way or what they want - they push you into anger or exasperation making it difficult for you to act with a clear head. Those who provoke us are usually hiding something or lack competence or ability. Hence by provoking us either by complaining and whining they actually try to distract you from exposing whatever they are hiding.

Always let them finish talking. Often interruptions may escalate things. If you remain calm and centred, difficult people will catch themselves and back off. When it’s time to respond, consider some of the following responses:

“Could you please repeat that back to me in a calmer tone? I didn’t get what you were saying.”

Pause, look a little puzzled and say “Sorry what was that?”

If they use a lot of hyperbolic language then “Do you really believe what you just said?”

And if they a really venting – use the FAU technique – to extract the animosity, say “You seem (frustrated, angry, upset)....what’s that all about?”

Always remember it’s YOU who allows others to upset you, frustrate you or anger you. You actually can choose NOT to allow them to push your buttons and hence reduce your stress levels and not ruin your day. Sometimes we can get so focused on an aspect of your business that you don’t see a bully running amok in your business or see the white ants eating the foundations from the inside. The faster you recognise and remove difficult people from your business - the more positive your culture will become and the more people will be happier and willing to work.  Talk to the team at Sothertons for ways of improving your workplace culture.